Bad storytelling, good stand up.

A few weeks ago, on the way back from an university gig, I had a conversation with the funny Steve Bugeja about a story he told in his set. It was a story which began with someone mistaking his name with 'Steve Buscemi'. Now, I am the sort of pompous comedian who tells other performers things like 'that joke would be funnier if you added this', 'that joke is not working because of...', and so on. This is without being asked for advice mind you. It is a miracle I don't get punched more often in green rooms.

I took issue with Steve's story, not because it didn't work; it got a big laugh. No, that wasn't what bothered me. It felt that he had told half a story.  This happens a lot in stand up comedy.  A comedian will introduce a narrative, tell the story until the humorous climax, and then move on. It never seems to bother audiences.  After all they laughed; it's a comedy club, that's what it's for. However, my other job is fiction writer.  I write short stories, plays and unmarketable novels. Unresolved stories bother me. Imagine Cinderella if it ended as she runs away from the ball?  Imagine Romeo and Juliet ended with the slaying of Mercutio? No! No! I can't take it. My fiction writer OCD cannot abide such abomination.

In developing my new one man show, I have written a story which is not getting enough laughs.   Here it is at present.
 

Now if, I was a sensible comedian the joke would end at the 'is it something about my face?' point. That's the biggest laugh.  All I need to do is tell the story up to that point, get the laugh, and move on. Good stand up comedian.  But the story would be incomplete.  Bad storytelling.

At the heart of most stories there is a simple structure.  A protagonist wants something, something is standing in the way, they either get it or don't get it.  Cinderella wants happiness, her evil stepmother and sisters stand in the way, hijinx ensue, she gets that happily ever after.

In my massage story I am  looking for a relief from pain, I run into the obstacle of a person who thinks I am at the massage therapist for something else and then...

At present, the story is not working for a number of reasons.  The ending is predictable. The stakes are too low.  My goal shifts midway in the story and several other narrative deficiencies.  To fix the story, I have several options.

I could end the story at 'is it something about my face'.  After all, that was the biggest laugh.  For all my ranting at Steve Bugeja, sometimes the big laugh is where the story should end, finished or not.

No, I refuse, and not just because of narrative OCD.  I truly think that a story told on stage with a full arc is more satisfying and will get a bigger laugh than half a story.  So how do I fix the massage story?  I have several options which I will try over the next few weeks.  The one which I will expand on here is CLARIFYING THE OBJECTIVE.

As currently told, the reason I enter the massage therapist's office in the story is to get relief from pain.  However, the climax of the story has nothing to do with getting, or not getting, pain relief. This might be why the story is unsatisfying.

I think in draft 2 I will make the objective the search for love.  I'm going to the gym, to get in shape, in the search for love.  In fact, receptionists misunderstanding might be made funnier if I introduce an attraction to the massage therapist.  If I want to ask her on  a date, her assumption about me would be funnier.  If I act overconfident and arrogant, her assumption I am a pervert could even be a natural end to the story.  Alternatively, the situation could spiral with my trying to woo her in several ways and just seeming more and more like a pervert through more misunderstandings.

I may be wrong.  Jokes cannot be fixed in a vacuum.  I'll need to try this new approach in front of an audience.  I'll let you know if it works.  If not, there's always plan B.  End the story in the middle, get the laugh, admit I am a blowhard,  move on.

How one joke becomes two. Or three. Or... you get the idea

So you have one joke. How does it become two, three or four? There are some comedians who come up with a funny premise, tell one joke about it, then move on. I shake my head at these miscreants. I shake my fist at them. I shake every part of my body able to oscillate - except for the toes of my left foot; even I have limits. Hidden inside each joke, there are more jokes. Jokes are Matreshka dolls. More importantly, sometimes the truly hilarious joke, the one which will get not just a laugh, but a round of applause is not the first joke you write, but the one hidden inside. YES, WE DON'T WANT NO STINKING LAUGHS, WE WANT APPLAUSE BREAKS.

Let me elaborate.

In my last blog I posted a routine I about lowered expectations. It went "In the gym, 4 years ago I used to want to look like a fitness model, now I just want to look like I did 4 years ago.  Financially, I used to want to get rich, now I just want to get out of debt. Romantically, I was looking for 'the one', now I'll take anyone."

On Saturday morning, I sat in my hotel room and began ELABORATING, going on NONSENSICAL TANGENTS, and ARGUING WITH MYSELF with respect to this lowered expectation routine.  I used a pen and paper at times.  At other times I simply spoke to myself like a deranged, unwashed, false prophet.  Here are a few of the  results:


ELABORATION

- Going to the gym after 4 years

• Perhaps a one liner - something like 'you never forget how to go to the gym. It's like riding a bike. One that doesn't move.'
• 'My body was in such serious pain that I got ill. What kind of self defeating body do I have? I try to help it be more healthy and it betrays me.  What's next, vomiting vegetables?'

NONSENSICAL TANGENT

- Wanting to get out of debt

• How about a tale of trying to get out of debt by planning a bank heist?  Also, why are there no bank heists nowadays?  They were all the rage in the wild west.  CCTV has condemned the children who would have been Butch and Sun Dance generations ago to rotting in jail.  And no train robberies either; now it's the train owners who rob us with their prices.   
• But really, what would my heist to get rich involve.  Realistically the only way I can make money with my skill set is to get 'discovered' by some TV exec, so I need to break into some BBC offices and get the producers to see my comedy genius under duress.  I could tell an audience the story of assembling a crack Ocean Eleven style squad -- one member would be a child to distract dirty BBC members ...

ARGUING WITH MYSELF

- Looking for the one.

• The punchline where I say I'd take 'anyone' is an absolute lie.  In fact, as you get older you get more picky.  1) each heartbreak is cumulative and makes you trust less; more red flags.  Humor is in increased loneliness, but increased fussiness.  Would you do that in any other sphere? It'd be like getting sick, but insisting only  a very specific doctor treats you.

I will try all these notions out at a new material night at some point, but yesterday night I was being paid to perform.  When I am being paid, I only use a maximum of three untested jokes. I tried the self defeating body joke and it didn't work but it was absorbed in my narration.  That's often a saving grace.  The audience doesn't need to  know you were trying to be funny when a joke fails.  When comedians say 'that's the last time I do that line' or 'I thought that would work better' I often shake everything but the toes of my left foot at them.   Every failed joke can just be demoted to set up for the next joke.

The other joke I tried fared better.

The video of said joke is below.  Also, anyone who watched the video in my last blog may note that I've rewritten the line 'fucking anyone' to 'I'd take anyone'.  Often when I first do a joke, the nervousness makes me swear unnecessarily. 

And so what was one routine is now two.  In this way jokes multiply.  

Writing a new stand up show

Starting a new one man stand up comedy show is terrifying. Especially the way I do it. I realized a long time ago that without a deadline, I don't write anything. I'm too lazy and there are too many enticing distractions. To make myself write I need a deadline.

STEP 1: BOOK THE PREMIERE DATE..

By booking a 60  minute slot in a festival I create a tangible deadline. In this case it's February 12th, Leicester Comedy Festival, when I'm going to debut a new show. That's approximately 4 months away, so that breaks down to, I need to write 15 minutes of jokes per month. Not that daunting.

Except, not every joke I write is good enough. My average is a 25% success rate. In every four jokes I write, one gets laughs every time I perform it. I toss out 75% of my jokes. This means, ideally, I should write 240 minutes of jokes in the next 4 months, toss out the dead weight, and I'll have a perfect show.  Daunting again.   

STEP 2: BREAK THE BIG THEME DOWN INTO SMALLER THEMES

Where do I start when I have to write a new show?  I don't start with jokes.  I start with themes each of which I aim to write 5 minutes of jokes about.  12 themes x 5 minutes of jokes about each = new show.  The show I'm doing in February is a Valentine's themed show called 'Love Sucks' so all my first 8 themes are about why love sucks and then the last 4 themes are about the value of love (i.e. why we still chase it despite it sucking).  So Day 1 of writing the show, this is what was on the page.

LOVE SUCKS, a one man show by Daliso Chaponda

THEMES

GETTING OLDER

LONELINESS

REJECTION

DATING

BETRAYAL

INCOMPATIBILITY

JEALOUSY

BREAKUPS

HOPE

ROMANCE

LETTING DOWN ARMOR

BETTER VERSION OF SELF

The 12 themes are all vague.  Very specific themes shut down creativity, big ones ignite it.  Write a joke about anything = SCARY.  Write a joke about brushing teeth = TOO SPECIFIC AND LIMITING.  Write a joke about getting older = CREATIVITY IGNITED.

STEP 3 - START WRITING JOKES

The first joke I wrote about GETTING OLDER tries to illustrate the premise that expectations lower as you get older.  Below is filmed the fourth time I have performed the joke, or more accurately jokes.  There are three mini jokes, in the one longer routine.  I'm happy with the final joke, but the first two, the one about the gym, and the one about getting rich, are not yet strong enough so may be tweaked a lot before February.

The whole routine is about 30 seconds long.  59 minutes 30 seconds to go.