25 minutes of New Jokes

One of the hardest things to do for a comedian is to develop new material while simultaneously paying the bills.  If you are hired by a comedy club, you can't foist half baked ideas on a paying audience.  If your new jokes don't work, the chances of the comedy club rehiring you in the future are negligible.

Most shows I am able to try one or two new jokes, that way if they do not go well, at most 30 seconds have gone by and I can switch to an old joke and maintain the momentum.

Unfortunately, there a few problems to this approach.  Number one, jokes get developed at a snail pace, particularly because you sometimes have to try one joke seven or eight times in different ways before you have a working draft.  Number two, sometimes if you sandwich a new joke between two great ones, it creates a false impression of how good the joke is as you have built such a momentum that the audience would laugh at anything you say.

To really know if a joke is good enough you have to be able to TRY IT COLD surrounded by other new jokes.  Famous comedians have the option of doing 'work in progress' gigs where they are on stage with a notebook and their fans will happily come watch them try out  an hour of ideas.  I'm not there yet, so my new jokes are generally test driven to paying audiences.

Yesterday I was doing a lower paying gig so I seized upon it as an opportunity to try out a lot of new jokes in one go.  However, I still couldn't sell the punters short.  Imagine my new jokes were all rubbish.  My solution was to make a game out trying out my new jokes in a random order determined by one audience member.  Whenever a joke failed another audience member would suggest a random old joke for me to do.  In this way I managed to try 25 minutes of new jokes in a 41 minute set.

Here are 10 excerpts, five jokes which worked as planned, and five which didn't.  In the first excerpt I set up the game and tell a joke I wrote on a train traveling towards the gig.




The next joke is the expression of an idea that has been in my notebook for a few weeks.




Some jokes I write are really stupid.  This does not mean they are not funny.




The next premise is brilliant.  Really!  It's the best premise of the jokes I tried yesterday.  The joke fell hopelessly flat though, and yet sometimes it does not matter because I know that in future drafts I'll be able to milk every morsel of humor from it.



Comedy writers  keep their ears open for odd sayings.  This next premise will also be much better once I perform it a bit and do some acting work on my French accent.




The next joke may have been a tad too obvious.



The next one will surely be part of my 'Love Sucks' one man show.




The next one was also written for 'Love Sucks' but will most likely NOT be part of the final show.



The next one began life as a tweet which lots of people retweeted.



And finally a story.



And the path from blank page to new one man show continues...

Vulnerable but not too vulnerable

I was watching a comedian a few weeks ago who did a lot of jokes about being alone, sexually frustrated and overweight and frequently, instead of a laugh, he got responses of 'awww'.  Sympathy instead of laughter.  This often happens with self deprecating humor.  Or if you are expose too much you can make people too uncomfortable to laugh.  There is a thin line between comedy and a tragic monologue as you'd expect to find in an Ibsen play.

This happened to me recently in trying out a joke for my new show.  I recalled a funny situation which occurred dating somebody else who had been through some childhood trauma.

At the point where I say to a woman in the audience 'don't worry, you can laugh', I had seen her covering her mouth and trying to stifle laughter.  She found it funny, but felt guilty for laughing.  It was too honest.  I was exposing too much.  Instead of laughter, I got sympathy.  Which is not to say I have not got laughs talking about childhood trauma, loneliness, self loathing, suicidal thoughts or despair before.  In truth, if I didn't talk about my vulnerabilities, I would not have an act.  It's just a matter of being VULNERABLE BUT NOT TOO VULNERABLE.

Sometimes just altering my performance is enough.  If I talk about something horrible in my past or a deep insecurity with a big smile on my face and a confident veneer, the indicator is, 'I'm totally ok with this, you can laugh'.  This is all very well if I am actually OK with it, but sometimes faking it is necessary.  This can backfire.  If you make a self deprecating joke about something you're still insecure about and the audience laughs because you're acting, you are helping them bully you.  I once told a friend to stop doing a certain joke about her weight, not because she wasn't getting a big laugh, I just saw that it was making her miserable to get that laugh. 

I think the best place to alter the joke is at the conceptual stage.  At times I will do a little factual alteration.  For instance if I tell a painful story about my relationship with my father, but make it an uncle, that distance makes the story feel more fictional.  With the 'minefield' joke above, in draft two I may try looking into triggers in conversation not in the bedroom, or come up with an absurd way to illustrate the point.

Case in point, recently I tried another joke about pain.  This one was more successful because I enveloped it in an absurd idea for a holiday.  

See.  Suicidal thoughts can be a punchline.

Rewriting an Offensive Joke

Last week I wrote a blog titled ‘rewriting a sexist joke’.  It was put to me by another comedian that I did not actually rewrite anything.  I rather, discarded one joke as too sexist and wrote another joke on the same theme.  Agreed. 

This week, I have found an example where I actually did some genuine, honest-to-Baal, 100% rewriting.  In writing my last show ‘Barely Legal’, one morning’s writing  yielded the following routine.

Now, the joke clearly worked. Big laugh and some applause (WE DON'T WANT NO FRICKIN' LAUGHS, WE WANT APPLAUSE BREAKS.) Even so, I was not happy with the joke. The final punchline felt gratuitous. I don’t think that any subject is inappropriate for comedy. I have brought up genocide, HIV orphans and torture in jokes before.  I have no issue with addressing domestic violence in a comedy set. Except, I did not actually address anything. It was just the punchline, the shocking twist in the tale.

A lot of comedians use a shocking twist in the tale to get a laugh. Lo and behold, it’s revealed, the woman who he was having sex with in the story… is 11. Lo and behold, it’s revealed, the no smoking sign… was hanging outside a building in Aushwitz. There’s nothing wrong with this method. It works. However it would not work that well for my persona because I do jokes ‘about something’. 

Let me explain. If I just wrote lots of one liners which were puns and word games to elicit laughter, throwing in a few offensive pull back and reveals would not be a problem. When people rage at the content of someone like Jimmy Carr’s jokes, I think they miss the point. His jokes are not endorsing any particular political viewpoint or lifestyle. They are word games and concept poems, so he can tell a joke about a rapist that is not really about rape.

I cannot do that. Because I do routines about racism, religion and family that actually analyse my experiences of them, I present myself not as a gagsmith toying with words and concepts, but rather, as a humorous social commentator. If I bring up rape, it’s really rape. If I bring up domestic abuse, it’s really domestic abuse.

However, the 'I used to do that' joke got a big laugh. And applause.

I tried to soften the joke. I changed the punchline to ‘he slept with her sister… I used to do that’. It did not work as well. ‘Punched her in the face’ was the only line which worked because, indeed, of the shock. And then one day, a few months later, I realized that the funniest element of the joke was not the shock. It was 1) My envy at watching a partner with another man and 2) The twist. I kept the same format and rhythm for the joke, but rewrote it by relocating it in the world of politics and coming up with a new twist. This is the new version.

It works better I think you'll agree.  

PS: The joke gets laughs in Europe, but in Africa, it brings down the house.

Rewriting a sexist joke.

When hanging out together, my comedian friends and I make jokes about everything.  Nothing is off limits; peacocks, rape, ethnic cleansing, blenders. Things that in any other context would be seen as horribly racist, sexist or psychotic, are OK. This is in private though. As soon as I get on stage, I believe I have a responsibility not just to be funny, but to carefully consider the implications of my humor. I therefore often come up with a premise when bantering with friends that can only be used on stage after rehabilitating the idea.

Here's an example.  On Monday, I had a chat with another comedian about gold diggers.  We were at Silver Springs Hotel in Kampala and we saw a rich older, overweight man with a stunning woman in her twenties.  He said she must be a gold digger, and I went on a rant about why gold diggers were necessary for society.  I said something like, 'That man only became wealthy so he could get gold digging women. Imagine he's a philanthropist who has built hospitals with some of his money, without gold diggers that hospital would never have been built. Gold digging saves lives. Fire would never have been invented if some cave man was not trying to impress a gold digging cave woman.'

This conversation made myself and the other comedian laugh so much that I later thought about using the idea on stage.  Unfortunately, the premise is highly sexist. It assumes that men are the source of all humanity's greatest achievements and women's only role is to to motivate them.  I would not want to spout such drivel on stage.  On the other hand, we were laughing so much.  I needed to REHABILITATE THE PREMISE and extract what was funny in it without the sexist backbone.

The underlying hilarity of the rant came from my earnest defense of Gold Digging.  Surely, I could find a less sexist approach of doing the same.  My solution - one which often works when I need to rehabilitate a premise - is I PUT MYSELF AND MY INSECURITIES INTO THE JOKE. Instead of the joke being 'this is how the world is' it became 'I'm so lonely and insecure that this is how I see the world'.  Instead of saying something horribly sexist about the world, I made the joke reveal something about my perspective.

At least I think I did.  You can judge for yourself.  Here is the current gold digging routine.

Bad storytelling, good stand up.

A few weeks ago, on the way back from an university gig, I had a conversation with the funny Steve Bugeja about a story he told in his set. It was a story which began with someone mistaking his name with 'Steve Buscemi'. Now, I am the sort of pompous comedian who tells other performers things like 'that joke would be funnier if you added this', 'that joke is not working because of...', and so on. This is without being asked for advice mind you. It is a miracle I don't get punched more often in green rooms.

I took issue with Steve's story, not because it didn't work; it got a big laugh. No, that wasn't what bothered me. It felt that he had told half a story.  This happens a lot in stand up comedy.  A comedian will introduce a narrative, tell the story until the humorous climax, and then move on. It never seems to bother audiences.  After all they laughed; it's a comedy club, that's what it's for. However, my other job is fiction writer.  I write short stories, plays and unmarketable novels. Unresolved stories bother me. Imagine Cinderella if it ended as she runs away from the ball?  Imagine Romeo and Juliet ended with the slaying of Mercutio? No! No! I can't take it. My fiction writer OCD cannot abide such abomination.

In developing my new one man show, I have written a story which is not getting enough laughs.   Here it is at present.
 

Now if, I was a sensible comedian the joke would end at the 'is it something about my face?' point. That's the biggest laugh.  All I need to do is tell the story up to that point, get the laugh, and move on. Good stand up comedian.  But the story would be incomplete.  Bad storytelling.

At the heart of most stories there is a simple structure.  A protagonist wants something, something is standing in the way, they either get it or don't get it.  Cinderella wants happiness, her evil stepmother and sisters stand in the way, hijinx ensue, she gets that happily ever after.

In my massage story I am  looking for a relief from pain, I run into the obstacle of a person who thinks I am at the massage therapist for something else and then...

At present, the story is not working for a number of reasons.  The ending is predictable. The stakes are too low.  My goal shifts midway in the story and several other narrative deficiencies.  To fix the story, I have several options.

I could end the story at 'is it something about my face'.  After all, that was the biggest laugh.  For all my ranting at Steve Bugeja, sometimes the big laugh is where the story should end, finished or not.

No, I refuse, and not just because of narrative OCD.  I truly think that a story told on stage with a full arc is more satisfying and will get a bigger laugh than half a story.  So how do I fix the massage story?  I have several options which I will try over the next few weeks.  The one which I will expand on here is CLARIFYING THE OBJECTIVE.

As currently told, the reason I enter the massage therapist's office in the story is to get relief from pain.  However, the climax of the story has nothing to do with getting, or not getting, pain relief. This might be why the story is unsatisfying.

I think in draft 2 I will make the objective the search for love.  I'm going to the gym, to get in shape, in the search for love.  In fact, receptionists misunderstanding might be made funnier if I introduce an attraction to the massage therapist.  If I want to ask her on  a date, her assumption about me would be funnier.  If I act overconfident and arrogant, her assumption I am a pervert could even be a natural end to the story.  Alternatively, the situation could spiral with my trying to woo her in several ways and just seeming more and more like a pervert through more misunderstandings.

I may be wrong.  Jokes cannot be fixed in a vacuum.  I'll need to try this new approach in front of an audience.  I'll let you know if it works.  If not, there's always plan B.  End the story in the middle, get the laugh, admit I am a blowhard,  move on.

How one joke becomes two. Or three. Or... you get the idea

So you have one joke. How does it become two, three or four? There are some comedians who come up with a funny premise, tell one joke about it, then move on. I shake my head at these miscreants. I shake my fist at them. I shake every part of my body able to oscillate - except for the toes of my left foot; even I have limits. Hidden inside each joke, there are more jokes. Jokes are Matreshka dolls. More importantly, sometimes the truly hilarious joke, the one which will get not just a laugh, but a round of applause is not the first joke you write, but the one hidden inside. YES, WE DON'T WANT NO STINKING LAUGHS, WE WANT APPLAUSE BREAKS.

Let me elaborate.

In my last blog I posted a routine I about lowered expectations. It went "In the gym, 4 years ago I used to want to look like a fitness model, now I just want to look like I did 4 years ago.  Financially, I used to want to get rich, now I just want to get out of debt. Romantically, I was looking for 'the one', now I'll take anyone."

On Saturday morning, I sat in my hotel room and began ELABORATING, going on NONSENSICAL TANGENTS, and ARGUING WITH MYSELF with respect to this lowered expectation routine.  I used a pen and paper at times.  At other times I simply spoke to myself like a deranged, unwashed, false prophet.  Here are a few of the  results:


ELABORATION

- Going to the gym after 4 years

• Perhaps a one liner - something like 'you never forget how to go to the gym. It's like riding a bike. One that doesn't move.'
• 'My body was in such serious pain that I got ill. What kind of self defeating body do I have? I try to help it be more healthy and it betrays me.  What's next, vomiting vegetables?'

NONSENSICAL TANGENT

- Wanting to get out of debt

• How about a tale of trying to get out of debt by planning a bank heist?  Also, why are there no bank heists nowadays?  They were all the rage in the wild west.  CCTV has condemned the children who would have been Butch and Sun Dance generations ago to rotting in jail.  And no train robberies either; now it's the train owners who rob us with their prices.   
• But really, what would my heist to get rich involve.  Realistically the only way I can make money with my skill set is to get 'discovered' by some TV exec, so I need to break into some BBC offices and get the producers to see my comedy genius under duress.  I could tell an audience the story of assembling a crack Ocean Eleven style squad -- one member would be a child to distract dirty BBC members ...

ARGUING WITH MYSELF

- Looking for the one.

• The punchline where I say I'd take 'anyone' is an absolute lie.  In fact, as you get older you get more picky.  1) each heartbreak is cumulative and makes you trust less; more red flags.  Humor is in increased loneliness, but increased fussiness.  Would you do that in any other sphere? It'd be like getting sick, but insisting only  a very specific doctor treats you.

I will try all these notions out at a new material night at some point, but yesterday night I was being paid to perform.  When I am being paid, I only use a maximum of three untested jokes. I tried the self defeating body joke and it didn't work but it was absorbed in my narration.  That's often a saving grace.  The audience doesn't need to  know you were trying to be funny when a joke fails.  When comedians say 'that's the last time I do that line' or 'I thought that would work better' I often shake everything but the toes of my left foot at them.   Every failed joke can just be demoted to set up for the next joke.

The other joke I tried fared better.

The video of said joke is below.  Also, anyone who watched the video in my last blog may note that I've rewritten the line 'fucking anyone' to 'I'd take anyone'.  Often when I first do a joke, the nervousness makes me swear unnecessarily. 

And so what was one routine is now two.  In this way jokes multiply.  

Writing a new stand up show

Starting a new one man stand up comedy show is terrifying. Especially the way I do it. I realized a long time ago that without a deadline, I don't write anything. I'm too lazy and there are too many enticing distractions. To make myself write I need a deadline.

STEP 1: BOOK THE PREMIERE DATE..

By booking a 60  minute slot in a festival I create a tangible deadline. In this case it's February 12th, Leicester Comedy Festival, when I'm going to debut a new show. That's approximately 4 months away, so that breaks down to, I need to write 15 minutes of jokes per month. Not that daunting.

Except, not every joke I write is good enough. My average is a 25% success rate. In every four jokes I write, one gets laughs every time I perform it. I toss out 75% of my jokes. This means, ideally, I should write 240 minutes of jokes in the next 4 months, toss out the dead weight, and I'll have a perfect show.  Daunting again.   

STEP 2: BREAK THE BIG THEME DOWN INTO SMALLER THEMES

Where do I start when I have to write a new show?  I don't start with jokes.  I start with themes each of which I aim to write 5 minutes of jokes about.  12 themes x 5 minutes of jokes about each = new show.  The show I'm doing in February is a Valentine's themed show called 'Love Sucks' so all my first 8 themes are about why love sucks and then the last 4 themes are about the value of love (i.e. why we still chase it despite it sucking).  So Day 1 of writing the show, this is what was on the page.

LOVE SUCKS, a one man show by Daliso Chaponda

THEMES

GETTING OLDER

LONELINESS

REJECTION

DATING

BETRAYAL

INCOMPATIBILITY

JEALOUSY

BREAKUPS

HOPE

ROMANCE

LETTING DOWN ARMOR

BETTER VERSION OF SELF

The 12 themes are all vague.  Very specific themes shut down creativity, big ones ignite it.  Write a joke about anything = SCARY.  Write a joke about brushing teeth = TOO SPECIFIC AND LIMITING.  Write a joke about getting older = CREATIVITY IGNITED.

STEP 3 - START WRITING JOKES

The first joke I wrote about GETTING OLDER tries to illustrate the premise that expectations lower as you get older.  Below is filmed the fourth time I have performed the joke, or more accurately jokes.  There are three mini jokes, in the one longer routine.  I'm happy with the final joke, but the first two, the one about the gym, and the one about getting rich, are not yet strong enough so may be tweaked a lot before February.

The whole routine is about 30 seconds long.  59 minutes 30 seconds to go.